I like this person because …..

Aaha, gotcha …. that was just me trying to get your undivided attention.

It was just the grand old attention grabbing trick. I wanted to draw your attention as to when was the last time that you actually took those extra few seconds to get a sense of what’s inside other people — especially their good qualities? We are wired to notice the bad qualities in others rather than the good ones, the things that worry or annoy us or make us critical. This is what scientists call our brain’s ‘negative bias’.

Research shows that people who take that extra effort to see the good in others are always surrounded by positivity. Unfortunately the reverse is also true. In the last 4+ decades of my life I have had ample time and opportunities to form opinions about others. I can tell you from my experience that if you want to find true happiness in life, we need to keep finding the good in people.

The 15 second rule

Whenever we encounter a situation where we hear someone tell us something which we don’t agree to or which we don’t like, our immediate response usually is to counter it. Instead of doing so, one thing that we can try in such a scenario is to give the benefit of doubt to that person and instead of blurting out what comes to our mind first, we can take the next 15 seconds to frame a quick short story in which the comment or the action of the other person is justified. It can be the most weirdest story possible, but believe that the story that you have weaved in your mind is actually true.

To make things easier for you, try this trick in such situations. When someone says something which you don’t like or agree to, instead of countering it immediately tell yourself “I think what this person is saying is right because ….” and then come up with a story/reason why you think what the other person is saying could be true.

Everyone you interact with must have some good qualities such as determination, generosity, kindness, patience, positivity, honesty, fairness or compassion. Apply the 15 second rule to come up with one such quality which you think the other person possesses. You can use the helpline “I like this person because she is ….”

Another key to seeing the good in others is to become a good listener. Listening is an art, a…